"When lonely, cold, and hard times come... He is there. Our prayers are heard. And when we weep...He and the Angels of Heaven weep with us." -Elder Holland-
I REALLY struggled at first, I was convinced Heavenly Father was there but was to busy to care. I felt like being how I was... I somehow didn't deserve to be healed or made whole. Maybe that is why I felt all alone or maybe that is why he didn't want to heal me. I remember pleading to just be able to breathe normal. There where prayers that were just crying... well more like sobbing- I couldn't even speak. I just prayed He would know my heart. Sometimes I would plead to just feel... feel something good... feel some kind of approval from Him. This video.... made me understand my relationship with my Father in Heaven more ...
Jesus Christ was a perfect, kind, good, beautiful individual. He never did anything to disappoint his Father. He only did his will. But yet the Father allowed him to go through so much more sorrow, pain, anger, etc. then I can even imagine possible. Jesus Christ plead with his Father...
42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.
44 And being in an agony he prayed more earnestly: and his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground.
Christ knowing full well the power of our Father in Heaven- plead to have his pain taken away. But yet our Father did not remove it from him. Not because he did not love Christ. Not because He wanted Christ to feel alone. Not because He didn't care.But because He loved us all and knew this was the only way for us to come back. I am positive Our Father in Heaven wept and wept deeply in pain to see his Son have to go through what He so willing did. I know that when I suffer what is hard for me I know he cares and probably a lot of people up there weep with me. I know as Christ was sent an Angel to strengthen Him I have had Angels to strengthen me. He will not leave us comfortless. We just have to open our eyes and see what He has sent each day.
I came to understand I was not being punished with anxiety for something I did. I am not a bad person. I did nothing wrong. For some reason, I have been given this trial maybe because it is the only way.... The only way I could possible understand someone else. To be there for someone else who is so alone. Maybe it's because He can't be hear to wipe away tears but I can, or maybe it's because my Heavenly Father sees something I don't. I have learned a lot about the will of the Lord. His will always turns out perfect somehow. So I have learned to let go of my angry I had that I have this trial. I have learned to trust... trust in the dark...Once I was able to let my anger for having this go I was able to pray differently. I instead ask to be strengthen and to be able to handle what comes next. Of course I still ask to be healed but I also say it's okay if I am not. The peace that came after letting that anger go was like an air tank that all of a sudden appeared on my back in the water I was drowning in. What a blessing that we are taught to let go.