I was reading a talk today for my scripture study "Hold on Thy Way" by Elder Koichi Aoyagi. I have come to understand and believe more and more through my own trial what Elder Aoyagi said is undoubtedly true...
"President Henry B. Eyring stated: “The test a loving God has set before us is not to see if we can endure difficulty. It is to see if we can endure it well. We pass the test by showing that we remembered Him and the commandments He gave us.”
“Hold on thy way” is a key choice during times of trial. Turn your heart to God, especially when you face trials. Humbly obey the commandments of God. Show faith to reconcile your wishes with the will of God. Make His will Your wishes.
Heavenly Father has schooled me to temper my impatience, to develop empathy, and to comfort those who are suffering. When I realized this, my heart was filled with feelings of thankfulness toward my Heavenly Father for this trial.
Put God first, regardless of the trials you face. Love God. Have faith in Christ, and entrust yourself to Him in all things. Moroni makes the following promise to such people: “And if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ."
Trials can seem unfair and completely cruel... but when you step back and see what you have been shaped into from them... usually... if you are willing to see them with a humble heart... you have become something more beautiful, more kind, more compassionate, more understanding, less judgmental, and full of gratitude. I find it amazing that someone like me... imperfect and full of mistakes, can through Christ's Grace, be sculpted into perfection. He helps you to become perfected! All I have to do is give my all to him. My patience (if I have any!), trust, energy, faith, etc. Trials be they few or many will come... so I need to decide what I am going to do when they DO come. I want to... Hold on and endure it well. That doesn't mean I can't cry or feel totally lost. It does mean that I have to try again, find the good, keeping searching for which way to go, and hang on with whatever I have left to that hope that one day all will be made right.
I have a excitement and a nervousness built up inside me and I am not sure which one I should trust! Usually the bad is something you never should or want to trust.. so I will go with excitement. I feel like after almost 3 years of prayer, prayers of others, trying my hardest to listen to the inspiration I receive, and trying my absolute hardest to endure this whole anxiety issue well... I finally feel like it might be slipping away. I can feel a change in me. I can think differently. I can handle things differently, I feel like I have control of my mind and body, and I can feel that awful monster like 'boulder feeling' that almost suffocated me everyday possibly leaving for good. I want to burst out in tears of shear excitement. Because what if my anxiety is gone?!!!!! But I am also so nervous and fearful that it may be like last time and come crashing back.... I felt good for a month and then with one nights sleep it came back even worse than before. It was awful and made me so discouraged and frustrated. It left me wondering what did I do wrong?? The answer is I did nothing wrong. It was just not quite time. I have made a couple choices in my life that has pushed me far beyond my comfort zone... But I know these choices I have made came from Heavenly Father directing me in what I needed to do to possibly become healed.. So I have done it to my best for almost a month and I do feel different. So I guess what I should do is not be fearful but rejoice! Rejoice for the good I feel inside now....What a blessing and relief! If it does come back then I guess I will be prepared with my choice I make now to ... HOLD ON with what I have AND ENDURE IT WELL.