Gratitude

Anxiety for me, in my own personal experience, got to be a bit self consuming. Everything inside felt as if it were about ME! I have come to see when you use the word "ME" a lot... it can be poisoning. By constantly thinking this is what I need can soon make a happy house a very unhappy house. Two things I will give thanks daily for that I so needed was to say SORRY and to express GRATITUDE. For everything someone did for me...big or small. Most days I was to tired or "down" to see that so many people where angels just trying to do anything to make things a bit brighter for me in any way.

I have done a lot of things I am not proud of through this. I don't know why but saying Sorry is extremely hard for me. My kids, especially Belle, has figured out that Mom is not okay most days and I have had to have very open talks explaining what is going on with me and also I have had to say I am sorry a lot. The simple forgiveness my family has for me... I feel... has softened my angry heart. The guilt I gave/give myself is extreme at times and by saying sorry and really meaning it has made me feel like I am not as horrible as I make myself seem. My sweet family has made it possible to feel like I can never be a loss cause... simply through saying sorry and  by unfailing forgiveness.

Gratitude is HUGE!!! It is summer berries lathered in fresh cream! It is sweet. It can make a sour day turn into something fresh! The smiles that come when I finally made myself see how hard people were trying to help me and express gratitude... helped me feel a bit more happy. Like I finally was doing something right or making someone else feel happy. The more I expressed my gratitude for others the more happiness crept back. It's magic!

"If only we will see and appreciate it"! It sounds so easy... It's not. When I felt how I did it is hard to think of anything besides pain, hurt, and relief... But this was the best medicine for me to push myself out of my mind... it was very refreshing. Sometimes I felt I had no energy to even speak thank you... but how grateful I am for gratitude. It really does help heal... for me and for those around me- who also have struggled through all this and who I have indescribable gratitude for. I am not by any stretch of the imagination perfect at this, some days are harder than others, but I thank Heavenly Father for helping me find gratitude and when I do express my gratitude I can feel of its sweet relief!